Relationship OCD is a very common and confusing form of OCD. COVID-19 has really impacted the way we live with more people working from home and layoffs on the rise. ROCD can really take advantage of these situations being around your partner 24/7 is not easy to begin with and this is a perfect catalyst for ROCD to be triggered.
Dr. Stephen Phillipson describes ROCD as:
“It’s a subset of OCD where a person is preoccupied with establishing whether their feelings for their partner are sufficient to maintain the relationship or be in the relationship.
People with ROCD have a tsunami of emotional distress over often more meaningless aspects of their partner, in terms of whether they would be a suitable partner, and so there is a tremendous amount of endless navigation or rumination about the qualities of what they think are correct or justified to continue in the relationship with.There is just an endless preoccupation, there is an endless answer seeking, sometimes even reassurance seeking from one’s partner.
Common symptoms of ROCD involve endless answer seeking and endless rumination about their partner’s qualities, and whether their internal feelings justify being in the relationship. They become very focused on their level of arousal as a proof that the person that they are with is justified to remain with. The probably is, the more that we focus on and put pressure on ourselves to have a very passionate response, the less likely we are to have that response. So it’s common that there is a tremendous amount of sexual malfunctioning or sexual apathy, because of that inverse relationship between the pressure to be sexually aroused, and then the way the brain responds to that pressure to be sexual, it’s very paradoxical.
There can be a focus on a partner’s appearance there can be a focus on a person’s character. I’ve had patients have associations about loved one’s own dating history, in terms of how long did their partner wait before they engaged in certain sexual acts as if that would provide them with reassuring evidence, or uncomfortable evidence about their partner’s character.”
A common thought process for people with ROCD is to check if their significant other has good character or if they are attracted to them. They tend to have intrusive thoughts that try to paint a horrible picture of your partner. This can be very distressing on a relationship, your partner becomes the target of the intrusive thoughts which can lead to a lot turbulence in the relationship. ROCD in specific is very difficult to deal with as relationships by nature are difficult and complex knowing when you have legitimate concerns vrs OCD is sometime hard to navigate. I encourage anyone who is going through ROCD to speak with a trained OCD therapist to help them navigate this subset.