Tag Archives: obssessivecompulsiondisorder

ROCD – When OCD Infiltrates Your Relationship

I found a horrowing tale of ROCD written by

CRISTIANA BEDEI25 MAY 2019, 00:30https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/relationship-ocd-symptoms-treatment

It was 2017 when Hannah*, 33, had her first obsessive thoughts about her husband and their relationship of over 15 years. “Within days, I had a complete nervous breakdown and ended up in A&E,” she recalls. Increasingly anxious about coping with a mortgage and two children, Hannah started having panic attacks and was then diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a condition she now believes she has had since her teens.”I would spend my days worrying, What if we lose our house? What if I have a car accident?and then one day I had this thought, What if I don’t love my husband? – and that one stuck,” she says. It became the only thing she could think of, up to 40 times a minute, all day, for days on end. “It consumed everything, I was extremely distressed and the thought of not being together and breaking up our family would then fill me with such anxiety [that] I would have a panic attack.”OCD is a common mental health condition causing persistent, unwanted thoughts and compulsive behaviours. Cleaning rituals and repetitive checks are probably its best known symptoms but OCD can manifest in other ways, often unheard of. With Hannah, it made her doubt she’d ever been in love and she would compulsively google relationship information, before cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helped her break the exhausting cycle. “I had to be very careful who I entrusted with my struggles,” she warns, “as all it would take would be for someone who didn’t understand to say ‘Sounds like you just don’t love him anymore’ and that would be enough to trigger weeks of horrendous anxiety.” When OCD has relationship-related symptoms, it is sometimes referred to as ‘relationship OCD’ or ‘rOCD’ – especially online, on message boards or in support groups – but these are not official medical terms, as clinical psychologist and columnist Linda Blair explains. Charities like OCD UK also discourage their use, to avoid confusion.”It’s certainly common for people with OCD [to] overthink anything that is important to them,” Blair says. When it comes to romantic relationships, that can include obsessively questioning whether someone is ‘the one’, comparing to others, researching relationships online, suspecting infidelity or to have cheated themselves and not remember it, even. Despite being absolutely torturing, these specific symptoms are not very frequent, according to Blair, who has almost 40 years of clinical practice. They might be more likely if there is a particular concern with the person’s past or current relationship experiences, though.”If there’s actual doubt out there as well, that makes your OCD a lot worse,” says Valerie*, a 27-year-old from the East Midlands, who managed to come out of a very triggering, long-distance relationship. “A lot of things [my ex] used to say to me didn’t add up, basically, there was a lot of distrust and the obsessions and thoughts would come in,” she remembers. Social media also made it worse, enabling more compulsive checking and obsessive thinking: “I went through this shit time of not eating, lying on my bed, doing nothing, literally refreshing Facebook page, then Instagram page and Facebook page and Instagram page, just to see what was going on.” The more she checked, the more she thought she had reasons to check and jump to the worst conclusions; it was all-consuming.Obviously, anyone can question their relationship or become fixated with monitoring their partners but that – as problematic as it may be – doesn’t mean they have OCD, Blair points out: “OCD has to be all-pervasive, in other words [it] has to interfere with what we call activities of daily living, the things that you would normally do.”Diagnosed at 16, after a series of panic attacks made it hard for her to attend school, Valerie says she’d always been very self-deprecating and often second-guessed why anyone would want to be with her. Being with an honest and supportive partner for the past year and a half has really made a difference, but she still finds herself uncontrollably questioning her boyfriend’s motives and thinking he might leave. “Sometimes I’ll focus on specific people and be like: ‘Why don’t you want her? She’s great, she can do this and this.'” And having had to take time off work to take care of her mental health and start a new cycle of therapy hasn’t helped with her fear of not being good enough.Blair says that with such obsessive thoughts it would be helpful to try and avoid confronting your partner continuously to get reassurance, because if their patience wears out a bit, you may end up feeling even more anxious. If possible, confide in a trusted friend or family member to put things into perspective, she suggests. “If you don’t get any relief there, then I would seek professional help,” she adds. “I would go first to my GP and say: ‘Look, I’m so troubled by these thoughts. I don’t have proof for them, but I am troubled by them and they’re causing me not to be able to function well.'”Talking to someone calm and objective, who can challenge you in constructive ways – a mental health professional, usually – can help. With therapy, it’s possible to reduce the amount of time when obsessive thinking and compulsive habits take over and find appropriate thought-blocking techniques – things that make it impossible to think about anything except what you’re doing, Blair explains: “Like counting backwards from 500 by 13, or naming all the different shades of blue or figuring out all the songs of your favourite rap artist.” Finally, you would work towards adding more enjoyable things to your life than being consumed by OCD.Getting better is absolutely possible, as Chris, 42, proves. This father of two from Norfolk has been with his wife for 20 years; his OCD first started at 17, when he left a medical training course because of violent intrusive thoughts. “I was imagining doing horrible things to patients, so I had to walk away from that,” he says. He didn’t seek help and the condition died off for a few years, until his obsessive thoughts came back, this time focusing on his wife and family. “I started to experience [thoughts] that my wife would be cheating on me, or leaving me, or that something was going to happen with the boys,” he remembers. Things got to the point where he had to stop working, as he couldn’t leave his wife or his children alone, he had to be with them constantly. “The fact that I thought I was going crazy caused me to go to some very dark places, I started self-harming and doing some very nasty things to myself that could have been disastrous,” he admits. Following a mental breakdown, 12 years after his first symptoms, he finally sought help: “Seeing the GP is the best thing I ever did,” he says, encouraging anyone in a similar situation to do the same, as soon as possible.”[Now] I’m a lot better, the relationship OCD is minimal,” he says. After several cycles of therapy, including CBT, Chris has learned to manage his obsessive thoughts about something happening behind his back or to his wife and family. “Ten years ago, [relationship-related] OCD was never talked about, now it’s starting to be discussed,” he notes. “It’s a good thing, it can only lead to more acceptance.”
If you are struggling with OCD, you can contact charities OCD ActionOCD UK orNo Panic.Samaritans runs a 24-hour support line on 116 123.*Names have been changed to protect the subjects’ identities.

Radio host suffers with OCD

Amazing story written by Trevor Dineen of CBC speaks about his personal struggles with OCD.

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/nowornever/living-with-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-1.4424547/cbc-radio-host-reveals-his-personal-struggle-with-ocd-1.4424557

By Trevor Dineen

When I walk into an airport bathroom, like I did last week on my way to Vancouver, I hear the flushing, running taps and hand dryers. But I also hear something else.

“You have to pump the soap 25 times and then wash your hands 25 times. Don’t miss any numbers. Don’t skip any pumps. Oh and do that whole cycle 25 times and then you can leave.”

Now why on earth would I do all of that?

“Because if you do, you won’t die.”

Welcome to the inside of my brain. I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I’ve had it for over 15 years. And to be honest, it almost took my life.

When I was 22, I basically lost everything because of it. One day my brain decided to start telling me that if I did these small compulsions, I wouldn’t die. So I did, because honestly, I didn’t want to die. But then these small compulsions got bigger and the routines got more complex.

The next thing you know, it was taking me 90 minutes to get in and out of a bathroom. It would take me 75 minutes to get into bed. I’d have to walk around cars 25 times when I got out of them. I had between 200-300 compulsions that took up four to five hours of my day.

I quit my job, dropped out of school, and pulled away from all my friends. I was wasting away, mentally and physically. A year and a half went by and all I did was get worse. Finally my parents found me collapsed and crying on their basement floor. It was Christmas Eve and and I had just finished doing all of my routines and compulsions in front of my entire family and relatives.

It was my rock bottom.

My mother, Carol Dineen, eventually opened up to me about how terrified she and my father were in those moments. “Watching my son deteriorate to the point where we knew if we didn’t get you help, we were going to lose you,” she said. “I knew that in my heart. That’s why it was so important to find you help.”

Trevor Dineen (CBC)Help, in my world, came in the form of Dr. Willows. He’s a psychiatrist at Seven Oaks Hospital in Winnipeg. He’s the one that saved my life.

When I had the chance to revisit him recently, he told me, “You presented with the perfect illness. You came in with everything people say about OCD. Because you had everything. Remarkable obsessions, very time-consuming compulsions and hours upon hours of routines.”

Without him, and the months of cognitive behaviour therapy that he guided me through, I don’t know where I would be today.

But it’s not gone. I still have compulsions. They rear their ugly heads whenever I get stressed or I’m concerned for someone I love. But overall, they’re much more manageable now. I know I’ll always have them. A handful or more will always linger, and I have to be okay with that. It’s just become a part of who I am.

And it’s a part I’m okay talking about. Because at the end of the day, I hate the idea of anyone ever feeling as lonely and as scared as I did. So hopefully, this helps. Even a little bit.


Resources:
Anxiety Canada

Canadian Mental Health Association

OCD Canada

Book Recommendations:
Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty (updated edition), by Jonathan Grayson

The Boy Who Couldn’t Stop Washing: The Experience and Treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, by Judith L. Rapoport

When Once Is Not Enough, by Gail Steketee and Kerrin White

Stop Obsessing!: How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions, by Edna B. Foa, and Reid Wilson

Pain

It is hard to put in words the distress that OCD causes; it is this weight that follows you around everywhere you go. You can’t escape it, and you can’t run away from it. Throughout the day and night these echoes of thoughts, images and sensations are there with you, the story line so vivid and crippling we fall surrender to its demands. All moments are slightly stolen because your there but your OCD is also there with you.

There has been so much I have lost to OCD, so much I fear because of OCD. I try to beat it and overcome it, but there are days where you are overwhelmed. It is important to remember that OCD does not define you, and even though our minds have turned on us we can live with this monster.

The struggle is real and ongoing; it is hard to explain how your mind can become your biggest hurdle in life. The dark lens of OCD alters reality, and forces us to want to maintain control.

It is so scary to take risks, and to feel brave enough to trust yourself and that this is just OCD. For me my OCD has manifested in a few different forms, but the best way to describe it is imagine watching a horror film over and over again in your mind, but this isn’t any normal horror film all the characters in this story are the people you love and care dearest for. You can’t do anything to stop it, and are forced to be subjected to this torture. The people you would do anything for you would sacrifice anything for you have to live with being bombarded by never ending thoughts and ideas that you can’t protect them and if you don’t engage in certain behaviour they won’t be safe. Even when you are told this is a disorder this is what the disorder does a part of you still is afraid that what if it isn’t? What if they are wrong and there is real danger? You have to ask yourself has what I have been doing worked so far? Am I happy? Maybe I should take the chance that nothing bad will happen and this is just OCD, and every doubt I have is also OCD? It is so hard to take that leap of faith but it is worth a shot to try, I still every morning have that struggle between doubt vs taking a risk. The days when I chose risk always turn out more fulfilling but it is hard to remember that when doubt feels so strong.

I have decided that life will be filled with challenges, uncertainties and pain. But along the twists and turns there will be these beautiful moments, connections and experiences that make it all worth it. We can either let OCD rob us of those moments or accept that it is going to be painful and filled with uncertainty but it is better then letting OCD win.

“In order to write about life first you must live it” – Ernest Hemingway

 

 

Choice

Dr. Steven Phillipson is a leading expert on OCD his work with patients has provided an immense amount of progression for OCD treatment. His website https://www.ocdonline.com is full of a wealth of knowledge for suffers. I have provided below an excerpt from his article “Choice”, I encourage you to visit his website and read through the articles posted.

In both the treatment of OCD and in living a disciplined life, there is no word more important than “Choice”

by Steven J. Phillipson, Ph.D.
Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

It is unfortunate that our schools do not teach us that our brains are comprised of many systems, some of which operate with considerable independence from the others. The independence of these systems is reflected in the way individuals suffering from OCD respond to episodes of extreme anxiety. Like all human beings, those with OCD have a strong basic survival instinct and are likely to experience great distress at the prospect of leaving a perceived threat unresolved. However, when what they experience as a threat is actually a function of their OCD (and therefore, is essentially the product of misfiring brain circuitry), they still react to this perceived threat as if their very lives were in danger. A conflict of independent systems also can affect those who do not have OCD. For example, a person may have the goal of exercising, but when the opportunity to do so presents itself, she may find herself thinking, “I’ll begin tomorrow.” Similarly, when tempted, someone whose goal is to save money may find himself thinking, “Yes, but this sale is so tremendous! Look at all the money I’d be saving!” The point is that we can only make disciplined and values-based choices that challenge instinctive or self-defeating urges when we are mindful of the contradictory agendas presented to us by our brains.

 To date, the focus of my writing has been on educating sufferers and professionals alike about the various forms of OCD and the methods of behavioral treatment I have found to be effective. In contrast, this article attempts to identify the essential qualities within the patient that contribute to the success or failure of treatment. In my discussion of this subject, I will give considerable attention to such concepts as agency, mindfulness, and autonomy. Agency can be defined as the faith we have in our capacity to respond effectively to challenges in our lives. Mindfulness is the non-judgmental awareness of an experience in real time – that is, as that experience is unfolding – and an acknowledgement of our responsibility for the choices we make and/or the beliefs or perspectives we endorse in relation to that experience. The willingness of patients to be accountable for the choices they make has a profound effect both on the recovery process and the achievement of their goals in life. And finally the term autonomy refers to the choices and actions of the “Gatekeeper,” the “I” or “me” who, based upon his or her goals and values, makes the final decisions on matters of importance to the individual.

The conscious, independent behavior (physical or mental) of selecting, making and or acting upon a decision when faced with two or more possibilities: the choice between good and evil, skilled and unskilled as well as, fight or flight.

• A range of possibilities from which one or more may be selected.

• A course of action (mental or physical), object, or person that is selected or decided upon and summarily put into effect.

This writing is a call to arms! Its purpose is to inspire readers to come to terms more honestly with the choices that will be required if they are to achieve their goals in life.

Continue reading at:

 

https://www.ocdonline.com/choice